The Spaces Between Your Fingers

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This is a story I asked my grandfather to share for about the 100th time in our interview. Living in Florida, Bart really only got to see his grandchildren in Pennsylvania for special occasions. As it turns out, Bart couldn’t go a single holiday with Drew and Matt being together where he wouldn’t be reminded of “Bart the Fart.” While it annoyed him every time the story was told, he learned that there was no escaping the annual telling of the “Bart the Fart” story. His displeasure was our humor and it’s because of how he reacts to the story being told.

The Summer air ran thick with humidity, as per usual in Punta Gorda, Florida, where Bart sat watchful over his five grandchildren. It wouldn’t be fair to say he was very watchful, however, as he blocked out the view of the children with the sports section of the paper to make sure his beloved Yankees won the night before. As he sat idly, his two pre-teen grandchildren snuck around in the pool, trying to make as little noise as possible. Drew, the younger of the two, quietly followed his older cousin, Matthew, who had hatched their petty yet seemingly diabolical plan under the sole tube in the pool. There they would hatch their plan.

“Okay, on the count of three yell, ‘Bart the Fart’ then go under water.” Said Matthew slyly. Drew nodded in agreement. After, Matthew whispered the countdown and demonstrated it on his fingers. As his index finger closed into a fist, the two quickly and sharply blurted out, “Bart the Fart!”

The two stealthily submerged themselves into the 4 feet of water in the above ground pool. As quickly as the two dropped under the surface, Bart’s paper dropped so he can get a view of the culprits. What he was met was seemingly an empty pool apart from the tube that floated on it. However, Bart wasn’t stupid, he knew the two “goofballs” had to emerge eventually. Like a bee waiting for its victim to come back up, Bart stood there patiently. Soon enough, Matthew had enough and was forced back to the surface. As he broke the plane separating water and air he was met with two things: The thud of a newspaper off the top of his head and Bart yelling, “Bart the Fart, huh?!” He didn’t hit them hard, it’s not like he could have done much damage with a newspaper anyway. But he needed to show authority as the grandpa.

Bart wasn’t mad per se, but he couldn’t have his nephews besmirching his name like that. So as Drew came up to the surface he was met with a similar fate as his cousin. The two giggled like the immature adolescents they were as Bart slid back into his chair to continue reading about the Yanks and sip on his coffee. He was a simple man with simple pleasure in life, two of those being his Yankees and his coffee. Bart didn’t think much of the tomfoolery and let life carry on. But, he then realized he needed to be authoritative as the grandpa, he demanded the kids out of the pool and sat them in the living room for timeout. After the firm disciplining, things seemingly went back to normal.

 So, while Bart thought that would be the end of “Bart the Fart,” he would be sorely mistaken. 

Bart the Fart

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Summer of 2001
Nana and Papa's House, Punta Gorda, Florida

This is a story I asked my grandfather to share for about the 100th time in our interview. Living in Florida, Bart really only got to see his grandchildren in Pennsylvania for special occasions. As it turns out, Bart couldn’t go a single holiday with Drew and Matt being together where he wouldn’t be reminded of “Bart the Fart.” While it annoyed him every time the story was told, he learned that there was no escaping the annual telling of the “Bart the Fart” story. His displeasure was our humor and it’s because of how he reacts to the story being told.

Tags: funny
Decade: 2000s
Rating:
Recorded by Caleb Kantor on December 6, 2017
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