The Spaces Between Your Fingers

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I interviewed my roommate and close friend, Zarar, over lunch at a substandard place called Urban Eatery. Zarar loves horses. He sees them as the most majestic creatures in the world. The death of Darling took everything from Zarar. It has shaped him to be the person who he is now. Darling went past just the sport of polo. Darling changed Zarar’s future. Zarar was afraid of horses, and only when he rode Darling did that fear vanish completely. After only a year from the time of writing, this topic proves incredibly difficult to discuss. The tears he holds back and the reminiscing, the shine hidden behind the grief, show’s just how integral Darling was in his life. If you ask this young Pakistani man of his favorite memories, most of them will involve his other half. They will involve his heart and soul. They will involve Darling. Zarar has learned that time is the most valuable thing, because if it's nine minutes

Zarar sat in the dusty old barn in Pakistan as Darling laid there on the floor. Labored breathing from his torn lungs, a massive chest rising and falling, the shine in his eyes dimmer than it used to be. Even with the heat of the day, everything felt cold. The only reassurance that death had not come to visit yet was the fluttering heartbeat, and the last of the warmth that would come from the glossy chestnut coated horse. The vets had given up on Darling, and it was heart wrenching for Zarar. Since the age of eight Darling was his other half. It would be akin to the heart and soul committing suicide: it could not, and would not, be done. Darling was the miracle story. The best playing pony for polo all those years ago. Wanted by the King of Brunei. Owned by the Pakistani Army. Given to Zarar’s dad, a low ranked Major, and finally to Zarar. For nine years Zarar lived day to day with his other half. To sit in the dust of the barn that, less than a decade ago, Darling had been prancing around in all his strength, might, and glory, was a painstaking 

Zarar sat there, admiring the horse that would soon never be in his life anymore. His best friend… his eyes went up and down Darling. The broad chest that could only heave. The hind quarters that were four times the size of Darling’s. Darling followed the equine confirmation to a T. Every ratio was perfect. He was the center masterpiece of God’s own personal gallery. Zarar felt tears form, his hand trailed across Darling’s back. Once you could feel a thundering heartbeat, full of excitement and power, but now it was nothing but a dull flutter.

Darling could not move this late in the infection, and needed an IV just to eat. Fighting a losing battle for survival, all Darling could do was fight for each breath, just like he had fought every game. Darling and Zarar fought for every stride towards the ball, for every shot, every position, and all those goals they had scored. Zarar stared into Darling’s eyes as they had a silent conversation, discussing, laughing, and crying at every triumph and tribulation they had faced.

Two weeks after the vets gave up on the best horse to ever grace the planet, Darling’s heart gave out too. An incurable infection had taken Darling’s life, and Zarar’s soul. 

Goodbye, my Darling

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September 11th, 2017
Pakistani Barn

I interviewed my roommate and close friend, Zarar, over lunch at a substandard place called Urban Eatery. Zarar loves horses. He sees them as the most majestic creatures in the world. The death of Darling took everything from Zarar. It has shaped him to be the person who he is now. Darling went past just the sport of polo. Darling changed Zarar’s future. Zarar was afraid of horses, and only when he rode Darling did that fear vanish completely. After only a year from the time of writing, this topic proves incredibly difficult to discuss. The tears he holds back and the reminiscing, the shine hidden behind the grief, show’s just how integral Darling was in his life. If you ask this young Pakistani man of his favorite memories, most of them will involve his other half. They will involve his heart and soul. They will involve Darling. Zarar has learned that time is the most valuable thing, because if it's nine minutes

Decade: 2010s
Rating:
Recorded by Alexzander Gerlach on December 5, 2018
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