The Spaces Between Your Fingers

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Melea Sandmann is from Ohio. She and her girlfriend Hannah have been dating for almost two years. They met at an anime convention, and for many years were confused about their feelings for each other. Hannah confessed first, but it took longer for Melea to realize her feelings.

The clock in the corner of the TV reads Jan. 2, 2013, 1:30 am. Graphics flash across the screen as spells fire and swords clash. The controller is limp in my hands as Hannah sits beside me in her sister’s bedroom and watches me lose. My eyes are glazed over, and I have to keep blinking to keep them open. It’s late, and we should both get to bed soon.

Besides, my mind isn't focused on the game anymore.

I didn’t really have any problems with dating another girl; I had just never considered it as an option before now. That’s why, when Hannah confessed to me four months ago, it came as such a shock. It had never occurred to me that another girl would like me, especially my best friend. I still haven’t given her an answer, and every so often she asks me out again. She’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that. I’ve heard plenty of things about best friends starting to date, but…

But I’m still not sure I like her in that way.

We met at a convention about three years ago. Hannah was there with her boyfriend, and I was there dressed as a Vaporeon. Her boyfriend went to my school, and we saw each other again at Prom. She remembered me first, complimenting my brown dress, and it didn’t take long for me to recognize those frizzy brown curls. She ended up transferring to my school, and we became best friends. She broke up with her boyfriend because he got crazy obsessive, and we were always at each other’s side.

I thought we were friends; I really did.

Four months ago we were driving back from a party. I hadn’t eaten anything because I don’t like pizza, and we sat in the car by her house, eating Wendy’s late at night and talking about everything. Suddenly, she confessed. She told me she had always liked me. She said I looked cute dressed as a Vaporeon when we first met, and that she couldn’t believe she had seen the pretty girl again at prom. When she transferred schools, her feelings for me grew.

I sat and listened to her every word, never breaking eye contact. I didn't know how to respond to her feelings.

Now as I look at the video game graphics reflect off her features, and the way her frizzy brown curls frame her face, I wonder what all the fuss was about. I’ve had four months to work out my feelings, and four months is a long time for her to wait for an answer. It’s too long.

“Hey,” I whisper. Hannah puts down her controller and turns to me. I can see moving pictures on her cheeks. “I have an answer,” I say, and I think my voice is shaking.

“Huh? To what?” Hannah raises her eyebrows in questioning. I take a deep breath and look her straight in the eye.

“You know what.”

And then we’re sitting on the bed kissing, and it feels really good. It feels nice, and I’m happy. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in the past four months. I’m okay, I think to myself. My eyes are closed and I can feel her smile against my lips. What was I worried about? This is fine. This is okay. We’re going to be okay.

We’re going to be great.


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