The Spaces Between Your Fingers

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Jessica has been to US for 2 and a half years, last time went back home was 1 year ago. Relationship status: complicated.<br />
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Jessica and this guy is not couples, nor even friends. Yet he is the one she feels the closest to here in US. That she constantly feel isolated and helpless here and can't help turn to him every time she feels needing comfort. Not long ago, Jessica and this guy went to seaside for a shooting assignment and it ended up a romantic getaway and the most real couple-ish time they have ever had together, even if short.<br />
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He is here, by my side. I take a big inhale of the salty air, holding my breath, as if by doing that I can hold the moment a bit longer.

" What do you say, is the point of traveling?" Right, like suddenly I'm in the mood of being deep here. 

"Umm seeing different things?" For once, he is being really cooperative and actually trying to give a good answer to this kinda pretentious question.

" No no no, wait, hold on there," he holds up an imaginary cig and takes a big puff, frowns as he is contemplating, and then, he turns to look directly into my eyes. "I think the point of traveling is finding your true self."

"Come on, take a picture of me right now." He resumes that playful boyish look he usually has, but remains that "smoking position". 

So I do. As I press the shutter on my camera, I suddenly wish it would capture things more than merely a picture. 

"It's so quiet here." Not liking my own sentimentality, I try to find whatever random topic I can.

But he gets serious, again, this is not like him. " yes it really is." So we both fall into silence, and in all the silence we listen, intently.

The fog dissolves everything, not that I care to see them all clearly anyway. Even the sound of waves and seagulls are vague. Besides that, it's the pure, enormous, void silence, inside, which is us, he and I, like the only two existing in the whole world at that moment.

Silently he looks into my eyes, takes one step closer. And I feel so powerless to resist, or do anything for that matter, just like how I have alwa

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October, 2014
Cape May, NJ

Jessica has been to US for 2 and a half years, last time went back home was 1 year ago. Relationship status: complicated.

Jessica and this guy is not couples, nor even friends. Yet he is the one she feels the closest to here in US. That she constantly feel isolated and helpless here and can't help turn to him every time she feels needing comfort. Not long ago, Jessica and this guy went to seaside for a shooting assignment and it ended up a romantic getaway and the most real couple-ish time they have ever had together, even if short.

"I know this is going nowhere and it's actually killing me," she says, "but there is something about him I just can't resist. He is my weakness."

Decade: 2010s
Rating:
Recorded by SHIYI TIAN on December 3, 2014
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