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The Spaces Between Your Fingers

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Natalie has been to US for 2 and a half years. Last time went home was 1 year ago. Relationship status: single<br />
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Natalie used to date this American guy that she described ">

I think I had always known, like I was kind of expecting it. I guess you can say I am negative about the so-called "relationships": cheating is everywhere, especially for a cute guy like him: 6'4" tall, a soccer player so you can imagine he's in a good shape, and those piercing green eyes-- oh how I was obsessed with those eyes. So naturally it's cool to be with someone like him, but I never felt completely safe. 

So when I first found out those messages he sent to another girl, instead of shocked, I was more like "ha caught you!". But what should I do? My first instinct was pretending not seeing them-- yeah I was coward like that. But the more I thought about it, the madder I got-- at myself: Exactly why am I lying to myself to put up with a jerk like that?

So I stormed upstairs to pack my stuff to leave, he followed trying to explain himself. I stared at that handsome face, the face belongs to this person I thought I was so in love with: looking all tender and sincere, trying to convince me how much he loved me. And tears just burst out of my eyes: I was not sad. I thought it's so funny the way he looked and talked. Yet I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't tell why.

Sitting on the bus back to my apartment, I mindlessly went through my phone and saw my dad--he was such a newbie on these technology stuff-- just sent me a voice message for the first time, so my finger slowly moved to tap on it:
" Hi sweetheart!" Sound that familiar loving voice, so loud for he must be to close to the mic. My eyes welled again. " I just learned how to use this thing today! Haha, so how's your day? Take care of yourself ok?"

I cried so hard that I had trouble breathing. I felt so guilty for my parents; as they work hard in China to support my study here, hoping for nothing other than me doing ok. And I felt more guilty for myself, that I had wasted my time and emotions for someone did not deserve-- that's the moment I decided, from now on I would never be with anyone, or do anything, that made me feel unhappy. 

The most Dramatic Day in My Life

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October, 2013
Philadephia, PA

Natalie has been to US for 2 and a half years. Last time went home was 1 year ago. Relationship status: single

Natalie used to date this American guy that she described "truly unforgettable". Since they broke up, she is always doing her best to be outstanding in everything she could. She is working hard hoping to have a successful career in US in the near future and always hold a optimistic attitude towards her life.

Decade: 2010s
Rating:
Recorded by SHIYI TIAN on December 3, 2014
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